How to make Zulroics suck less: a pair of experiments

It has already been beaten to death in blogs far more informative and interesting than this one that order to be a progression raider I have to spend every damn minute of my free time farming the same two pieces of ancient recycled content over and over and over and over until I want to die. This is not what I am planning to talk about here, so rest easy! Instead, since I DO have to go through this horrible soul-destroying nightmare of tedium, I wanted to find some ways to make it slightly less shitty.

What I learned is that trying to cap my VP on the weekends (which is the only time during which I may do so, since I can both stay up late and the gup naps twice in two-hour stretches during the day, hallelujah) turns me into Jules Winnfield.

Experiment: queue as heals.

DPS queues blow. Everyone knows this. Thirty or forty minutes sitting like an idiot in Stormwind with my thumb up my ass to spend two hours with one-to-four complete social misfits who would be right at home in a FUoS screenshot is not a good use of my very limited extraraid time. Therefore, I had a brilliant idea: I have a million JP and nothing to spend them on, so I will buy T11 healing gear and whip out my holy spec. BRILLIANT.

I know that some of you are groaning right now, because DPS in a quick-queue role is a terrible awful no-good very bad idea, but in my defense I currently play a holy priest hordeside and I was a healer on Aro for an excruciatingly long time. So: I know how to balance my chakra, I understand how to heal some shit, it’s just not my preferred role on my raiding character. I am not a complete bad, I promise!

So I am prepared to have mana struggles, I am prepared to admit at a group opening that I am new to healing on this character, I am READY to GO. And, in fact, I get ZG and I own it in the FACE. The dps is pretty struggly, but the tank knows what he’s doing and people only died because they wouldn’t own up to not knowing how Zanzil or Jindo work, so I am feeling pretty good about myself. Perhaps I will be able to cap this week, which would be AWESOME. So I queue again.

And then I realize that I maybe did not think this thing through.

I get ZA, which I hate anyway, and have for four years. There is a mage, a dps warrior, and a warrior tank all from the same guild, a feral druid, and me. There is PVP gear fucking everywhere. I am doomed.

The run takes two and a half hours, because I am also stubborn and bitter. We wipe on Janalai approximately eleventy hojillion times because a) the “tank” has no idea what he’s doing, b) the “tank” cannot keep adds off me to save his life, and c) as was a theme throughout the evening, only the feral druid would ever click the lightwell. Ever. “Please click the lightwell. Please please please.” “lol no lightwell sucks”


Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

At the successful conclusion of the run, the previously quiet tank goes on a six-line rampage about how I should be raped to death and die because I suck so bad.


VERDICT: a partial success, if you consider a decent group followed by unprovoked misogynist rage a success.

Experiment: drink a lot.

So okay look, I am done with dealing with these assholes. I’m just done, at this point. Frankly I think it’s actually pretty telling that having a random group full of sane, reasonable individuals is notable enough that it can be the subject of its own post.

While my awesome guild does not require me to cap my VP every week, I still feel a personal obligation to try to come as close to that as possible, and since the vast majority of players in a random dungeon group are hateful, bad, or hatefully bad, I need to find a way to deaden the pain. Because, you guys, it’s a lot of pain. Seriously.


The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

The good news is that as DPS in a random I can move mostly on autopilot and be done. It’s a constant balancing act, determining whether waiting in a dps queue or putting up with a healer’s share of abuse is more painful or ridiculous. Paying attention means more specific and direct pain, but DPS requires more patience on the front end. When one is deadening pain, therefore, one goes for the less attention-requiring task.

Really, after a certain amount of time and reports for harassment, it is in my best interests to start summoning my pet Mr. Cuervo and his little friends Mr. Shot Glass and Mr. Lemon Wedge.

Eventually, it’s a better return on investment to just start drinking straight from the bottle.

VERDICT: did anyone get the number on that truck? …hey, where’d all these valor points come from? oh sweet, I capped!