Sayonara, Azeroth

14 February, 2012


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Lieutenant Jones, Retiree

Byebye!

Tonight is the first Tuesday in almost seven years that I have been at home and available and yet have no scheduled WoWery afoot.

It feels weird.

According to the account transaction history on wow.com, I have been paying for this game since December 2004, and you guys, that is a long-ass time. It’s such a long time that I healed in my first serious raiding guild with this nice kid, spent another entire expansion and a half on another server, and jumped servers a third time to find myself melting face with that nice kid all grown-up into a great guy. The fuck? That is both terrifying and awesome all at the same time (and I still adore you, sensei).

I gave up serious raiding because of a combination of factors, the primary two of which were a lack of story and a lack of time. The end of Deathwing is the end of my Warcraft story, and raiding with a toddler has turned out to be drastically different than raiding with a baby; the baby pretty much kept herself entertained, but the toddler wants to share every interesting thing in the world and also stays up a lot later at night (no afternoon nap, ALAS).

This has been a remarkable seven years, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. You hear about Internet Friends not being the same as Real Friends a lot less often now, and I think WoW is to thank for that just like it’s got at least a little bit of the credit for how gaming has a lot more mainstream acceptability now. You can find a WoW player anywhere and that’s amazing. What Blizzard created with this game is mind-blowing, and the lasting friendships I’ve made over the years is testament to how gaming brings us together and keeps us there, a common thread regardless of our nebulous and scary Real Lives.

Thanks for that, Blizzard. I appreciate it.

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The fall of Deathwing (and internal consistency)

6 January, 2012


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As a WarCraft II player, the fall of Deathwing is a story point that has been driving me for a dozen years. Betrayal of the best and brightest is a standard literary trope, and one that tends to resonate well with me; add in some incomprehensible cosmic horrors and it’s basically a hardwired switch straight to the centers of my DO WANT story-consuming brain.

And then the actual raid: reused boss models, entire reused environments, just incredibly disappointing atmospherically. But that’s okay! Because that’s not what I’m here for, right? It doesn’t have to be pretty, you know, it’s the story! The end of the story! That’s so incredibly exciting!

So! The Fall of Deathwing. “Finally, some closure!” I thought.

And oh my friends, how very very wrong I was.

If you have not yet been to kill Deathwing, be warned: this contains spoilers. And, as per usual from me, some tremendous NERDRAEG!!11. But y’all should expect that by now.

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Making a fashion statement

9 December, 2011


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If all 4.3 had given me was transmogrification, I would be the happiest camper in the whole wide world. In fact, it’s one of the few things that’s making me happy right now because I am sad and cynical and bitter and they can pry my lovely WC2 lore out of my cold dead hands, BUT THAT IS FOR ANOTHER POST.

Anyway. Transmogrification.

I do not begrudge the availability of shiny best-in-slot gear to anyone who wants to raid to get it, no matter how or when they do so. It’s just a game, and your achievement and acquisition do not in any way belittle mine, so that’s fine — but what does make me sad is every character by necessity looking like exactly every other character. This sucks, and it is SO AWESOME to have left it all behind. I’ve been actually enjoying LFG and LFR for the most part because I have a little inspect macro that I use to see how everyone has decided to present themselves (and I am incredibly disappointed whenever I come across an 85 who hasn’t bothered to define a Look).

I spent a lot of effort working out looks for my characters (well, Laikhaila’s was pretty obvious from the beginning), because presentation is important to me as someone who focuses on story-based and character-driven interaction.

Also, because I’m really, really shallow. Continue reading “Making a fashion statement”

It’s time to put the “beer” in “beermaiden.”

2 December, 2011


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It didn’t even occur to me until right this second that I probably should have written this post for Brewfest, but that’s because very little occurs to me around Brewfest time that isn’t NEDE MOAR RAM RACING.

ANYWAY.

There is a thing going on right now in my awesome guild full of awesome people where they troll me absolutely mercilessly about beer, and specifically my love thereof. It’s to the point where new applicants come in and they answer their “Tell us about yourself” question with some mention about Bud Light Lime or whatever and there’s a race to see who can make the “in b4 Aro’s crying emoface” post first. A secret: I kind of love it. I love also that my guild note was at some point changed to read “Beermaiden,” and I would like to buy a beer for whichever officer was responsible because it made my shriveled black heart grow three whole sizes.

This merciless trolling comes in basically only one flavor, which is LOL KICKIN’ BACK A COORS YAY BEER LOLOLOL. Seriously just tell the Grey Poupon guy that you’ve got some French’s in the back and certainly that’ll do, right? A hint: THE FLAVOR METAPHOR WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER.

ARGH.

Then there are the Teachable Moments that a know-it-all jackwagon such as your humble hostess lives for, which is the primary impetus for what I am sure will be a thousand-word screed on fermented beverages: “I don’t like the taste of beer.”

Dear European friends: you totally don’t have to read the rest of this post, because you probably already know where I am going with this. This is for my American and Canadian friends who do not know the wonders of a brewery that has never in its life worked with an aluminum can.

Continue reading “It’s time to put the “beer” in “beermaiden.””

How to apply for a raiding guild

8 November, 2011


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Goofy

You are encouraged to read this entire post in Goofy's how-to narrator's voice.

Lots of people around the blogosphere have been talking about guildfoo lately, from guild management to structure to how to find the best guild for you; there must be something in the water lately. But here’s the thing: do you know what to do once you’ve found that perfect guild, built exactly the way you want, looking for exactly the things you need from the game? In my experience, a whole awful lot of people do not, and this is sad and also tragic. Even if you are absolutely the best #insertclasshere there is, no one will ever know it if you can’t get your foot in the door. And how do you do that? A stellar application.

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So, pandas.

24 October, 2011


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The WoWophere is abuzz with release notes from Blizzcon, and reading commentary thereon has been super-interesting and completely overwhelming by turns (looking at you, insaneoactive twitter feed!), occasionally both at the same time. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and my perspective is colored by a couple of things: first, I’m a long-time player. I remember when we had to walk uphill in the swamp both ways to get from Darkshire to Booty Bay and when all priest gear was the same because by god if you’ve rolled that class you are HEALING and you are LIKING IT, and I also remember that fateful day eleventy million years ago when I turned to Mr. Aro and said “… how can you make an Everquest clone out of WARCRAFT?” So there’s that.

I am also a player and RPer nearing the close of the stories I wanted to tell; the end of Deathwing is the culmination of everything I have loved and played with since Warcraft 2, and none of the new plot threads that have been added to the interactive world have gripped me as much as the story of the Demon Soul — but there have been new additions to old stories. With this expansion, though, that’s changing. It’s only new stories, and I really do not care about the war between the Horde and the Alliance. I think it’s diplomatically ridiculous, particularly since that war has been over OVER AND OVER AND OVER again for twenty years worth of content, and I and many important people who actually do this kind of shit for a living who aren’t Henry Kissinger think it’s far more important for peoples at war facing, oh I dunno, EXTINCTION to band together against common threats, but hey, it’s a fantasy game, who gives a shit about logic?

On the Apoth forums, Dar said that while she wasn’t really a lore buff, she still felt kind of miffed about Pandaria because it felt like it just didn’t fit with the realm. I was going to reply there, but it ended up super long and with rather a lot of overly colorful metaphors so: QUICK, TO THE BLOGMOBILE. So, short form: speaking as a lore buff, the game’s been destroying its own lore for the last two expansions anyway, so for those of us who care about the little things like internal consistency and coherent narrative this is really nothing new and we’re kind of old hat at throwing our hands up and saying “fuck it” in sad, defeatist tones.

The funny thing about Pandaren is that they started out as a joke because Samwise is kind of a furry and he has this thing about pandas, so he doodled some and they got easter-egged in and now it’s this whole big fleshed-out thing and a lot of people have wanted them as a playable race for a while, so … I guess? I mean, whatever. It’ll have gorgeous environments and male Pandaren look outstanding so, sure, fine. Pandaria. Okay. If lady Pandaren end up looking like Minerva Mink I will seriously start punching some concept artists square in the nutsack over the internet, and I admit that I am kind of already bracing for it because what the hell bugs with boobs omfg but hey, models often change eleventy million times throughout the development cycle, which is how we got Minerva Mink Worgen in the first place.

And then there’s pokéwow, which: again, sure whatever, okay fine. It is probably not for me (who am I kidding I have perfect clears on every goddamn level of wowpeggle), but I’m sure someone will like it and it gives an entirely new dimension to Aro’s Dragonsworn Whelphome concept, but it is not, as it were, blowing my skirt up.

All of that is fine. Hell, if Malygos being a major villain was not a dealbreaker for me (THIS IS STILL SO WRONG, YOU GUYS, IT IS SO TOTALLY FUCKING WRONG), then AZURE WHELPLING I CHOOSE YOU sure as hell isn’t going to be.

However, and this is a big however, I have to give a big ol’ DO NOT WANT to the Duplo block talent trees. I am not cool with that, I do not enjoy that, that is not the game for me. I LIKE big complicated talent trees with a million different permutations. It makes me happy. It makes for infinite variation and countless fuckups and it’s interesting stuff to READ and it’s FUN and it’s AWESOME. Giving us six talents and treating them like glyphs is bullshit and I hate it. also all of the shadow stuff looks stupid and boring and it is totally not fun and this is my epic sadface: :(

Maybe it will turn out differently, and that’s fine. There’s plenty of time for it! Right now, though, I feel like I’m just moving on; they’re making what looks to be a fine game — it’s just not a game for me, and that makes me sad.

4.3 PTR playtime (spoileriffic version)

29 September, 2011


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So 4.3 is on the PTR now, and public character copy is available. Here’s what I’ve found so far:

Void Storage

I know costs aren’t finalized, but right now Void Storage is prohibitively expensive. I knew that it would be a majorbig sum to unlock the void bank, which is fine (currently 1000g); the problem is that deposits and withdrawals ALSO cost money (right now it’s 100g per piece, both in and out). You guys, that is insane. I know it’s just fake money and everything, but seriously: insane. I have at least a hundred pieces of gear in my incredibly packratty bank, and just taking them all OUT of the bank and putting them into storage is another ten thousand gold. If I want to change my transmogrification for RP purposes (and you can damn well bet there are certainly people who will do exactly this), that’s not just a money sink; it’s a brutal cash hole from which there is no escape, and that makes me sad. It’s like a mobile company charging you for both sending and receiving texts, and it’s extortion. Fake extortion, in this case, but my inner fake capitalist is just fake beside herself.

Transmogrification

IT IS JUST AS AMAZING AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

The interface is pretty clever and intuitive, which is good, because there are no instructions for anything goddamn anywhere. You talk to the happy little spacemummy man, and drag the piece that you want your gear to look like into its appropriate slot in the happy little spacemummy man’s interface, and pay money per piece that appears to be equivalent to reforge costs. It cost me 316g to mog everything but my cloak (which I have turned off anyway), and I’m in primarily FL 378 gear (except for my STUPID STUPID STUPID shoulders, which are still 359). This is not bad at all, and I have no problems with this cost staying just where it is. It feels like it’s based on ilevel of the gear you’re converting, which is appropriate and allows low-level characters the opportunity to customize their look, too, while not being so expensive that changing your look back and forth is unreasonably putative.

End Times: Heroic 5

So, uh … what?

On the one hand, I am so incredibly pleased that they didn’t throw away the Infinite Dragonflight x Nozdormu OTP plot thread, which is something I loved like burning and was desperately hoping they would bring closure to at some point. They did this, and it is RAD, and the model for Evil Nozdormu makes me so very very very happy I do a little dance.

On the other hand, I am really, really hoping that it’s just that the instance isn’t finished yet, because right now it makes absolutely no fucking sense. There’s no story anywhere. All that stuff about how This Is Sad And Evil Tyrande Who Has Lost Her Faith in the preview? It’s not in here. Anywhere. You run around and kill some evil nightsabers until she unlocks, and then you go fumble around with your clicks for a while until you figure out that there’s a teleporter that takes you somewhere else. I figure the quests aren’t done, and that’s where you’ll find most of the story, but seriously, y’all, there’s nothing else in there. If they keep it that way I will be THE MADDEST PRIEST.

With that being said, the place is jaw-droppingly beautiful. I mean, it’s terrible and horrible and post-apocalyptic wasteland and so very very sad, but the visuals are completely stunning.

Patch Notes Grab Bag

So hey, sucks to all you Quebecois using good French names for your characters! Blizzard says those aren’t real letters and you can just go fuck yourselves with your accents ague.

I’m thinking they didn’t entirely think that one through.

Transmogrification: a big fancy word for “RP in raids”

11 September, 2011


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Transmogrification

Sister Arolaide: SRS! SOLDIER! BUSINESS!

I’ve been thinking a whole lot about transmogrification since they announced it. A whole, whole lot, because this is an effective way for someone like me who enjoys RP and has a story to tell but not much time to tell it around the whole raiding thing to actually, you know, RP. Changing my armor’s appearance means I will never again have to deal with god-awful terrifying giant fuckoff spiders on fire or ridiculous birdbaths, but it also means that I have to, you know, decide what it should look like.

So a month of scouring my tailoring recipes, my hilariously full binary packrat bank, and every single piece of cloth armor available through WMV later, what I’ve come up with is a mishmash of grafted greens, old tier armor, and some honor points I happened to have lying around.

I love Transcendence and Avatar very very much, but so does every other priest with any sense of style whatsoever, and one of the things that frustrates me about WoW is that every character of a certain rank and level must by necessity look exactly the same. This sameness is especially galling in Shadowform, when all you can see is the silhouette anyway. So while I have those and will probably switch them in and out as the whims strike me, I’m not interested in making that my primary “look,” per se.

For a while I also considered putting together a full-scale Dragonsworn-y RP set, and I struggled some with what that would look like since most of my Dragonsworn “gear” are pieces with interesting and appropriate names (Drape of the Spellweaver; Greatstaff of the Nexus) or things that mean a lot to me but belong to slots that aren’t moggable or visible (Memory of Malygos, my very favorite item ever; Signet Ring of the Bronze Dragonflight). There’s no dragonwrought gear, really, unless you consider the Ahn’Qiraj tier 2.5 (which I sort of do; Aro is wearing Oracle with the awesome awesome bugmace in her figureprint), so other than the Fang of Korialstrasz I don’t have anything ICly approprite — and, frankly, that dagger is really, really hard to match with priest gear. I can’t stand not matching, okay, regardless of whether or not shadowform hides the miscoloring. I can see it on the login screen, I KNOW IT’S THERE.

So, instead of going with my Special Snowflake Princess Hero Class as a gear theme, I went more simply: this is a soldier.

What does this soldier do?

She wears some goddamn pants and covers her motherfucking midriff, that is what she does.

And finally, after six freaking years of collecting tabards and being unable to wear them because they look god-awful with robes, I get to wear one. FINALLY.

I am so excited for this patch, you guys. SO EXCITED.

The circle of unlife

11 August, 2011


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Let’s take a quick little look at the life cycle of Forsaken death knights.

  1. You are a dude(tte). Maybe you are a soldier, maybe you are just some schmuck.
  2. You are poisoned, and get incredibly sick, waste away, and die a horrible death.
  3. Your soul is stolen and you are raised as a zombie in mindless service to the Lich King.
  4. Sylvanas Windrunner, because she is HARD. CORE., personally breaks the mind control and restores your soul to you. You are still a zombie.
  5. Because you are pissed about being a zombie, you decide to fight the Lich King and all of his other mindless servants as a member of the Argent Dawn.
  6. You die. Again.
  7. Your soul is stolen and you are raised as a mindless zombie in the Lich King’s service. Again.
  8. Tirion Fordring, because he is HARD. CORE. (and has the assistance of a naaru on a stick), personally breaks the mind control and restores your soul to you. Again. You are still a zombie. Again.

Dude. Is there anything in the world that sucks more than that sequence? I mean, man. Damn. Perhaps the Forsaken should be holding weekly classes about how to hang on to one’s soul.

The trouble with new gear

9 August, 2011


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I got a new helm tonight, which is on the one hand excellent. It was a great upgrade and I’d had the old hat for a really long time, and that is sad. Also, it was blue and did not match my awesome fiery robe.

My helm HAD looked like this:

Mercurial Vestments, Tier 11

Priest gear has pretty much sucked since Tier 6.

Now, this is ridiculous. Not only do we have the delightful random sexism of the female avatar’s exposed midriff when the male is wearing a full robe, but there are these giant museum fountain shoulders that just don’t make any sense and the hat CRIES ITS OWN EMO TEARS.

I really wish I had an animated gif for this in case you haven’t had the opportunity to watch it up close, but I am seriously not shitting you, THE HAT CRIES EMO TEARS.

Needless to say I have had it turned off for quite some time.

ETA: Those giant museum fountain shoulders? As the ever-delightful Sara pointed out to me, they are not just horrible giant museum fountain shoulders. Each side is its own individual priest holding a scrying bowl. It is huge and horrible and EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS THAN I FIRST IMAGINED, and so incredibly awful that it comes back around to AMAZING, like Megashark vs. Giant Octopus. Thanks, Sara! :D :D :D

So tonight, when Rhyolith dropped his Flickering Cowl and the Of The Random was the very nicely spriesty spirit + haste, I bid on that bad boy and promptly gemmed that sucker up.

And then I put it on.

And, my friends, I am very sad to tell you that my new hat looks like this:

Flickering Cowl

omg. I ... really .. ... .. omg.

That is a giant fuckoff spider on fire ON MY HEAD.

I have what one could call problems with spiders, especially giant fuckoff spiders on fire. One could also call it a psychological aversion classed as a mental illness. Especially ON MY HEAD.

Luckily, I can turn off my helm display.

Even more luckily, I am not a warlock, so none of the REST of my gear is covered with giant fuckoff spiders on fire.

Dear warlocks: I’m sorry.

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